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Diary of a Dieting Fat Chick

I am fat. I’ve tried to ignore the fact for the last couple of years, but the mirrors don’t lie and I have to look in them every now and again. My family has always been weight conscious, so it would be an easy out to say it’s genetic. Just this last holiday, the conversation turned to diets and weight loss almost as soon as we were all in one spot together.

The truth is much more brutal. I am fat because I choose to eat too much. I would go so far as to say I am addicted to the stuff. There are times when I am so full I have to loosen my pants, but I can still find space for some chocolate cake. There is no denying it. But I’ve decided that just admitting that fact is to win the battle. Now I can face the enemy and know it’s the enemy.

And face the enemy I must. Unlike other addicts, I can’t avoid the temptation. In order to survive, I must eat. So how do I deal with the substance that is wreaking havoc on my life?

The key to losing weight and gaining control over the food is to chew less. It’s not about swallowing the food whole, it’s about putting less food in my mouth to start with. It’s about making a choice to eat or not to eat. Admitting that I have a problem has already made the choice much easier. The last two days have been about just eating until I’m satisfied – think first date kind of meal – but still eating what I really like or want.

Even with the triumph of the last two days, temptation has still tried to creep in. At lunch, I knew I was satisfied, but I wanted to finish my sandwich. I needed to finish my sandwich. It didn’t make sense, but it was an overwhelming feeling. I ended up choosing to stop after three quarters and even left some chips on the plate. By the time I cleaned up my mess and put my dishes in the sink, I realized that I was just passed satisfied. (The brain is so slow in figuring out the stomach is full.)

Then later, I “needed” something sweet to eat. There are NO sweets in my house right now – not for any particular reason other than we ate them all – but I needed something. I even thought about making cookie dough, but I didn’t want to go to the trouble or have to clean up the mess. (Writing this right now, I realize that what I NEEDED was a fix – hmmm).

I was about to call my husband at his dad’s house and have him bring me a candy bar when I remembered the Reese’s Cup my middle son saved from his class at church this past Sunday to give as a gift to his older brother. They hadn’t said anything about it since then, so I figured that made it open to the public. Just as I was settling in to enjoy the experience, it occurred to me what I was going to do.

The truth was, I didn’t NEED anything. I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t even all that tired. I just wanted to eat. I pushed the candy aside, and it will live to see another day. I got a glass of water and called it a night.

Food does not control my life any more. As I take back control, I know that the weight is already starting to melt off. Technically, weight loss occurs when you take in less energy than you give off. If I’m not shoving my mouth full of food that I’m not hungry for then the scales will soon be tipping in my favor once again.

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5 Responses to Diary of a Dieting Fat Chick

  1. JoLynn Braley July 20, 2007 at 11:11 PM #

    Hi Kathryn,

    I completely understand about the topic of food addiction. However, I do not believe that all food is addictive. As long as I eat whole, healthy, unprocessed, non-additive containing food that is free of addictive ingredients (sugar, flour, unhealthy fats, dairy, excess sodium), I feel great, eat only when hungry, and do not binge (eating beyond the level of comfortability).

    I did used to think though, that I couldn’t deal with my food addiction, because I had to eat to live. It wasn’t until I got off of the addictive ingredients that I was free of physical cravings for food. I still have emotional cravings sometimes, but I jot those down in my journal and they pass; they are nothing like physical cravings. 😉

    All the best,

    JoLynn

  2. Lady Rose August 6, 2007 at 7:02 AM #

    It can take awhile to get over major cravings — some folks do it cold turkey or opt for a slower lowering of the amount of sweets. My preference is cold turkey – it still takes constant vigilance that the old habits to reach for sweet or what ever the craving.

    The cravings or addictions are definitely powerful — have to shore up your defences ahead of time. I found having foods handy that keep my blood sugar level help a lot. That way the body isn’t fighting for more sweets or surges in blood sugar, and it’s more just the brain and habit to overcome.

    Week 66 so far for me – and I don’t crave sweets at all.

    Health and Happiness, Lady Rose (over 80 lbs lost so far, a mere 60ish to go!)

  3. http://www.overweightchild.org May 24, 2008 at 3:13 PM #

    If we love our children, it’ s up to us to encourage them to eat wholesome foods and stop eating the food that’ s bad for them. Every week, introduce a new healthy food. Over time they will come to love the healthy foods. Reward your children for eating all of their vegetables and fruits, and eliminate the unhealthy foods from your household. Raise your healthy children into healthy adults. Stop childhood obesity.

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    […] Kathryn Lang presents Diary of a Dieting Fat Chick posted at The Peculiar Club. […]

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