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Peace After the Fall Apart: 4 Tips for Recovering from a Breakdown

Finding peace after the fall apart is not easy. It’s not even simple. You have to find your way to put the pieces back in place one at a time – and often some of them have been damaged and don’t seem to fit right.

But you can. 

Falling Apart

I’ve committed to reading fiction and nonfiction this year – with a goal of 52 books. I had started “The Silent Planet” by C.S. Lewis, but it hid from me. This forced me into the annual reading of the Hunger Games series.

Yes. I read it every year. 

I finished last week and have been pondering many of the things I’ve read when I came face to face with a powerful lesson I didn’t notice until I went through it.

If you’re a fan of the Hunger Games, you know that when Katness comes to District 13, she’s a mess. During a particularly trying time, Finnick (also a mess) tells her not to fall apart because it’s easy to fall apart but ten times harder to put yourself back together.

This past week, I had to put myself into a position where I allowed myself to fall apart – to be as raw, and real, and vulnerable . . . and exposed as I ever have been. Three days later, I’m still recovering and I know it will take even longer to put myself back together.

I was explaining the moment to my husband and he sat quietly for a moment. “You’ve never fallen apart like that around me.”

I haven’t. I don’t fall apart. 

When you allow yourself to fall apart – to completely give in to the raw emotions, the devastation, the hopelessness, the despair of it all – then it’s going to take some serious investment to build yourself back up.

– Kathryn Lang

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the pain of the fall apart

When my mom died in 2012, I cried. I mourned. I waxed nostalgic. But I never fell apart.

When I suffered a second miscarriage in 2007, I cried. I screamed. I got angry. But I never fell apart.

When my sons were in a major car wreck in 2017, I panicked (for a moment). I prayed. I held my breath. But I never fell apart.

I don’t know when I decided not to fall apart because I don’t remember it ever being a conscious decision. I know that when I was younger, there were a few times when I did completely fall apart and it resulted in too many tears and too many days lost.

I guess I just decided to not let it happen.

After this week, I know why. When you allow yourself to fall apart – to completely give in to the raw emotions, the devastation, the hopelessness, the despair of it all – then it’s going to take some serious investment to build yourself back up.

Rebuilding after the fall apart:
Refresh your heart
Reconnect with relationships
Return to your focus
Recharge your all

The Rebuilding Process

No matter if you have chosen to fall apart for a particular reason or a season or if you have tripped and that’s led to you falling apart, you are in pieces and the pieces have to be put back together – on little bit at a time. Little bits of hope, piled together, can put even Humpty Dumpty back together.

Refresh your heart

Do something that makes you smile, makes you laugh, or just makes you feel like you’ve been wrapped in a warm hug.

It was later in the afternoon when I got home yesterday, but I practically ran to my room, changed, and took my spot by the pool in the sun. Between the warm rays of light, the infusion of Vitamin D, and the breeze, I felt a little bit better with each passing moment.

What is something that refreshes you?

Reconnect with Relationships

We are not called to go it alone. We are designed to be in relationships because we need each other to make it through those times when we just can’t anymore. 

On the way home yesterday, I mentioned that I needed some Vicki and Steve time. They are two of our closest friends and no matter where we are, we find moments to laugh together. I knew I needed that infusion of joy to help me start putting my pieces back together.

Who is someone that infuses you with joy?

Return to Your Focus

Falling apart will lead you astray. You can’t focus when you are in pieces. You can barely function while you’re there. Making an effort to focus will help you begin to put the pieces back in place.

When I got up this morning, I almost opened my Focus Folder – at least I thought about it. But it wasn’t until I actually opened it, filled it out, and started implementing the little bits I wrote that I began to feel a little bit normal again.

In Tuesday’s #GrowingHOPE podcast, I shared how your focus will direct your journey. Without focus, we spin in circles. You need to return to your focus after you fall apart to begin getting your journey back on target.

Where are you focusing right now?

Recharge Your All

Falling apart is EXHAUSTING! It takes a toll on the physical, mental, and the spiritual sides. Allow each part of you time to recharge before you try to dive in.

I couple of weeks back, I was sick for three days. Before that, I was writing, walking, and on target. As soon as I felt better, I tried to go back out and jump into my daily walking routine. Halfway through, I knew I was close to overdoing it. I accepted where I was instead of trying to force myself into where I had been (which could have landed me in an unhealthy place again). I did opt to come in and do some easy stretching to make up for the rest of the time.

There are so many ways to recharge – and each season, each person, and even each moment can require a different recharging focus. But you will have to recharge as you are regrouping after a fall apart.

What are some ways you have recharged in the past? How can you implement those today?

finding peace after the fall apart

Finding the Peace After the Fall Apart

Broken. 

That’s the best way I can describe how I felt in the middle of my fall apart. 

I felt broken. 

It’s hard for someone with a bold foundation of hope, encouragement, and possibility thinking to go to a place of broken. 

But I needed to, even if I didn’t want to. It was a necessary moment in the journey to make myself and my family whole again. Someday, I will be able to tell the full story – that includes LOTS of hope, overflowing blessings, and incomprehensible betrayal.

For now, understand that I had to go to that place of falling apart. 

After the initial release, I sat in the car for twenty minutes with the emotions in full control. I couldn’t stop crying. I’m not completely sure I was able to breathe. Finally, I could see enough to drive. When I started the car, the music filled my soul. 

It reminded me that despite what it looks like, what it feels like, or what others are saying, the war has already been won. I made an intentional choice to see that truth and to hold tight to it. Slowly, I began to shift my focus from the broken to the hope. Finally, I was able to take back control from the overwhelming emotions that had been given free rein.

On the drive home, the emotions threatened to take over again – more than once. I spoke to the emotions – out loud – and told them no. 

It was a little thing, but it helped me hold on to control. 

Your peace begins with you finding a little thing that gives you a little bit more control. 

Find the Peace

Think about the last time you were peaceful. What was going on around you or what had you done before that peaceful moment? 

Think about the things that calm our spirit. What soothes your soul or lifts your spirits?

Think about the moment you felt completely protected from the world. Why were you protected and what did it mean to you?

Take time to meditate on the times of peace and the moments of peace you’ve encountered so you can begin to recapture your peace after the fall apart.

It Happens

Sometimes the fall apart happens, no matter how strong you are or how prepared you are or how focused you are. Life happens.

If you find yourself in the fall apart, take a moment to take a breath. Dust yourself off. And find the peace to get going again.

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