It dawned on me this morning just how peculiar I seem to the people around me. It’s not just that I dance to the music in the grocery store or that I let people go in front of me, even on a hectic day. It’s not that I see life through rose colored glasses – although that does make everything a little softer. It all comes back to the fact that I see beyond the moment.
There is a bigger picture than right now. There is more to the story than just this line. Focusing on one point will keep you from seeing the ending.
I’ve always wanted a large family – I mean, like baseball team large – and I was more than willing to pop them all out myself. The problem is that pregnancy and I don’t get along. I produce LOTS of pregnancy hormones – which is good for the baby but makes me vomit for the first several months. It stresses out my husband to no end and puts a strain on all those around me who pitch in to care for the children and the house. Add to those complications additional complications that I have had and it would be selfish of me to put my husband and my children through the anguish.
Would it be fair to say that my hopes had been dashed? It would be, but they aren’t. They’ve just been re-directed. I am blessed beyond words with the children that are in my life and I take the stewardship over them seriously. I may not be having more physically, but the story is far from over.
Maybe it’s not normal to look for the silver lining, but I don’t really care. If being peculiar means I find the positive in what most would call negative, then so be it. I’ll proudly claim the role. There are too many amazing blessings in every single day to be focused on one minor negative.