My husband hit a bad spot – and that mean bouts of frustration, anger, and depression (sometimes he even had rough days). When my husband is in a bad place, it puts me in a bad place. Despite my rainbows and lollipops persona, I am often directed by the attitudes around me. That leading me last for moments or that leading my last for days. The stronger the connecting I have to the person, the stronger that leading tends to be.
My husband is the closest relationship that I have. He is my friend, my support, and many days my strength. It becomes tough for me when he gets in that place of down – because I get dragged down as well. Me, in a down place, is not a pretty sight. Picture melted lollipops and faded rainbows – it is a dull and sticky mess.
Several years ago, I began to catch on to what was happening when my husband went to his dark side. I tried praying for God to fix him, but that kept me focused on the problems and allowed the dark to grow.
I determined to adjust my focus.
Each time my husband has a bad moment, I try to say a pray of thanks for something that I appreciate. Some days, I even tell him these praises. There are days when I keep it between me and God because my husband has hit a low so deep that anything I say looks like a negative from his perspective.
I take time each day to pray for my husband – not because he is struggling in a moment but because he is walking in this world. I keep a copy of Stormie Omartian’s “The Power of a Praying Wife” in my study notebook and I go through it on a regularly basis. Each day, I pray a new prayer and then I work back through the book and say those that I found especially relevant to my husband’s journey. I put his name in place of every “him,” “you,” or other pronoun that is referencing the person. By praying for his blessings and growth I stay focused on his potential.
I quit mumbling – under my breath, behind his back, or even in my own thoughts. Letting those negative emotions out gives them room to grow – and I do not need to growing any of that negative in my life our around my life.
I made an effort to praise him around others. I complimented his ability to clean the kitchen like the pro, to keep the yard looking professionally maintained, or any other number of amazing traits that exist in him. Purposefully looking at the positive makes it more difficult for the negative to get out.
The moments that my husband’s valleys affect me are fewer and shorter – although they do still show up. I find that when I adjust my focus then they become even fewer and even shorter (and just the opposite when I let them be my focus). My focus will make the difference in my attitude even when the attitudes around me are dark and stormy.