Exhausted in Purpose
I’m exhausted in purpose because I don’t see the next step. It’s not that I don’t see the full journey or the next season. Sometimes all we can see is the goal at the end and the next step in front of us. But right now, today, I am in the complete dark for the next step. I believe, but Oh, Lord, HELP MY UNBELIEF.
When you are stuck in desperation and hoping for purpose, it’s hard not to get exhausted.
#QuoteoftheDay
Are you trying to make things happen
instead of patiently waiting
on God?
– Kathryn Lang
Rage Against the Dark
Do you know the poem about not going gentle? I had it stuck in my head one morning when I woke up early determined to bulldoze through all the barriers holding me back from my unique design.
Out at the farm, we lived on the back corner of 40 acres. If we didn’t turn on a light, there was no light. And on this fine, determined morning, there was NO light.
I grinned and raged into the darkness, right into a closed door (a door that was never closed, might I add).
It didn’t hinder me that morning. It even made me smile more. What are the odds, after all?
But this morning, I woke up to sunlight and couldn’t rage or smile.
What’s the difference? The heart.
Back then, my heart was open and believing. This morning, my heart was crushed and smothered, struggling to hold on to any possible belief.
Back then, my purpose had become clear and was new. This morning, my purpose is trampled and worn out because nothing has happened – not the way I expected, not in the time I expected, but mostly not at all.
I’m no closer to living my purpose today than I was back that morning when I slammed into the bathroom door.
I have raged against the dark for so long, I’m not sure what it would feel like to take flight.
The Truth of Exhaustion
The darkness is not as dreary as it wants me to believe. As long as there is still a spark of light, I can see where to go. But you have to take a moment and focus on that spark of light.
A few weeks back, the Northern Lights appeared as far south as the Gulf Coast. Here in Northern Alabama, I watched them from our front porch. By keeping my eyes on the sky and shielding them from external lights, the green hues and red hues were clearly visible.
My neighbor turned on their porch light, and for a moment all I could see in the sky above was darkness. It was only after they turned off the light and my eyes were able to adjust, that the wonder of the Northern Lights became visible again.
We become exhausted in our journey because we are trying to do things we were never intended to do.
Taking the Place of God
The story of Gideon always stirs my heart because it clearly shows that God wants to win for us. Gideon had an army. God sent the army home. “You have too many people for me to deliver you the victory.”
In other words, when we have all of our ducks in a row, why would we need to depend on God?
In this world, we are taught to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. It’s up to us to fix our lives and get things back on track. Reaching out means you are weak, a failure, or so much worse. It doesn’t matter if you got there on your own or circumstances threw you into it, the fact that you weren’t prepared means you are to blame.
But God . . .
I met with a friend the other day that said, “I don’t know why you are where you are, but I do know that you wouldn’t be there if God didn’t know you could.”
I’m not sure I liked that comment. First, I don’t like where I am so I’m not really happy about being here. Second, it would be nice to have to bare less in this journey.
His comment came just when I was on the verge of reaching out and doing things the world’s way. I was tired of patiently waiting for God to provide the next step. I wanted to plow ahead – my timing and any way possible.
The Children of Israel tried that as well. After walking around Jericho to defeat the undefeatable, they decided to take then next town on their own. “After all, it’s NOTHING compared to what we just accomplished.”
I picture Joshua telling them no the way Willy Wonka warns the kids. “No. Don’t.”
But they go, on their own in their own way, and they get their butts kicked.
So maybe, trying to take the place of God doesn’t work out so well.
I need to find a way to patiently wait on God’s timing and God’s direction so I don’t get exhausted in purpose. God has a plan, and He promised to fulfill His plan through us and in us. And nothing will defeat God in His plan.
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What do you do when you find yourself exhausted in purpose?
Share your ideas and thoughts on patiently waiting on God, and if you would like to read about my struggles and revelations, ask me for today’s post link!
