Balancing Relationship Differences
Relationship differences can make the journey more enjoyable, or sink the ship. It all comes down to balance. You have to find a way to balance the differences through recognition, acceptance, appreciation, and love . . .true love.
#QuoteoftheDay
Authenticity exposes your heart
so you are positioned
to touch a heart.
– Kathryn Lang
The Trouble with Differences
My roommate and I got along great, but we had different ideas about most things. She thought you needed to iron your uniform before going to AFROTC. I didn’t. She thought it so important that she also ironed mine.
Being a rule bender never crossed her mind.
On a whim, I decided it couldn’t hurt to try it her way for a while. That’s when she fixed me up with her friend. “We can go for a jog in the morning,” he offered when he called.
That should have been my first clue. Who goes jogging on their first date? But I was determined to be different. “That sounds great.”
True to his word, he showed up not long after sunrise. That should have been my second clue. My roommate had been super helpful and made sure I was up and ready, although really, how much do you have to get ready for a jogging date? I put on clothes – which were freshly ironed thanks to my roommate.
My “date” and I stretched well before starting down the road. I thought we’d jog along and talk. He had different plans. He turned off the road and went into rabbit mode – like a rabbit being chased by a hungry dog, that is. Forget jogging. I was sprinting to keep up. And talking was not an option.
That was my third clue, and I caught on.
I had tried to be someone I wasn’t. Yes, I was athletic in high school, but I was not an athlete. I could jog along with the best of them, but if you wanted to break a four-minute mile, I was not the one to take along.
When we are doing things that are out of nature just to get along, the differences become an issue.
Recognizing the Differences
My husband and I are very different – and even more so when we were first married.
I was all about finding the silver lining. He was all about finding the storm clouds.
If you needed to go with the flow, I was the one to call. My husband was the man for the job if it required following the detailed instructions.
I have a curiosity that would make a cat blush. My husband usually doesn’t even want to know.
And that’s only a few of our well-defined differences.
The other day, coming home from church, my husband stared at me with disgusted disbelief. I wouldn’t have realized without his addition of the audible disdain.
“What did I do?” We were on our way home from leading the fifth session of The Abundant Life program. I figured he had to have been upset with something I had done in class.
“You don’t even know what you did, do you?”
I not only didn’t know what I had done, but I wasn’t even aware that there was something I could have done. It’s not an unusual position for me to be in.
My husband is very concrete. When I left him alone with the kids one weekend, he called me to find out how to make biscuits with Bisquick mix. My answer of “just pour the mix in a bowl and add enough buttermilk to make a dough” almost sent him off the deep end. Fortunately, the manufacturer had a recipe on the box so he managed to survive.
Once we both recognized these facts, it made it easier to deal with them. I no longer give recipes to my husband without measurements. He accepts that when I’m navigating, I go off landmarks. Okay, that last part is a lie. It still annoys him if I try to use landmarks. That’s why Google does the navigating these days.
What did I do that evening that caused such disbelief? He never told me. And I let go of my curiosity enough not to bother asking.
Better Together When Differences Blend
We work better when we blend our differences. Where he is weak, I am strong. Where I struggle, he stands firm. My husband will never be like me. I will never be like him. In part because we are different people, but mostly because the gate of each of our walks is not a comfortable fit for the other.
Recognize
If we are going to be better, we have to recognize the differences. Recognition keeps us from rubbing salt in the womb.
Accept
We need to accept the differences instead of trying to force others to conform. It’s not my job to fix them.
Appreciate
When I recognize and accept, then I can really appreciate the differences. My husband can do things I would never attempt. He can do things I would never want to do. And the opposite is true as well. Appreciation balances the relationship differences.
Love
Seeing through the eyes of love smooths a lot of rough edges. I don’t see him forgetting to take out the trash. I see him hanging out with his son creating costumes and making mini-movies.
I want to be around people who are different – from me and definitely from the world. When I learn to let others be themselves and I choose to be authentically me around them, then our hearts can connect and the relationship will be set on a firm foundation.
Strong relationships, rooted in who we are uniquely designed to be, will empower us to live our place in purpose. Be invested in balancing relationship differences to make your journey better.
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Do you choose to accept people where they are and for who they are?
Share your ideas and thoughts on balancing relationship differences, and if you would like to read about how different can be better, ask me for today’s post link!
