Why I Can't Make My Husband Happy

Being A Good Wife Even When He Is NOT a Good Husband

Being a good wife when your husband is NOT being a godly husband is a peculiar concept for the world. Fortunately for us, we are not “of this world” we are just “in this world.”

There have been times in my life when I needed a breakthrough or I needed support or I just needed a comforting hand. Instead of turning to God, I have looked to my life partner who is supposed to be my all and all. Right? When he wasn’ t what I needed, it was easy for me to fall into my own little pity party (have you ever been there?).

    “He doesn’t care about anyone but himself.”
    “He doesn’t want to help.”
    “He thinks I’ m not doing enough.”
    “He’ s selfish and self-focused.”
    “Maybe there is someone else in his life.”

It has always taken some time to dig my way out of the ditch of pity – the length of time usually depends on how deep I’ve dug the ditch or how long I’ve been lying in it feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes I jump out with a great leap of energy and faith, but more often than not I claw my way back out.

It is not easy to be a good wife when you have to live with a human husband. There are days that he doesn’t notice how tired I am – even if I have repeated the phrase since he got home. There are days that he forgets to do everything that he just got through saying he would do. There are days that he chooses to put his own needs above mine. What is my secret?

  • I spend time every day with God. I always try to spend my first minutes in prayer and study. It’s quite and I’ m able to get grounded and focused before the day really starts. The days when I choose not to get out of bed and miss my quiet time, I can feel a difference.
  • I don’t expect my husband to meet my needs. Since God has a bit more power and flexibility, I’ve been looking to him. When someone compliments my children or my cooking or my garden, I thank God for being concerned about my feelings. I take the compliment from God. If I don’t get a compliment because I cooked dinner or washed the dishes or did the laundry, I don’t worry about it because I did it for God and not for the compliment. He will find a way to let me know he appreciates me; He always does.
  • I treat others like I would like them to treat me. That does mean that I have had to turn the television off in the last 5 minutes of the show I just watched for two hours. But I want my family to know that they are FIRST. That’s the least I expect from my children. I also have been working EXTREMELY hard at not yelling – instead, I actually get up and go to the room where the person is located that I need to speak with.

    Hmm, what a concept.

    Basically, I’m showing everyone respect, without regard to how they might be treating me (care for a big ole slice of humble pie?).

  • I do what has to be done – even if it isn’t my job. That does NOT mean I don’ t expect the kids to help out. As I write this, the oldest is picking up the kitchen and emptying the dryer. What is does mean is that I do the dishes when they pile up or I put the clothes away when they are clean. Most of these jobs only take five minutes. Most of us normally spend more time whining about the fact that they have to be done.
  • I do pray for my husband every single day. These are not those “change him” kind of prayers. These are prayers that thank God for blessing me with my life partner. I pray that I can be a wife he is proud of having in his life. I thank God for the blessings that he is pouring over my husband’s life. Just as sure as you ask God to change your husband, He’s going to come back at you with the “you first” comment.
  • I do love, honor, and respect my husband because that is what God has told me to do. I don’t have to agree with him about everything and he doesn’t have to be doing it all perfectly. I love, honor, and respect him in faith.

Being a good wife is a peculiar way to live for most of us. Society has said that you have to focus on you and making you happy. But finding joy REQUIRES you to focus outside of yourself. Put God first, put the ones around you second, and by the time you get around to yourself, you will be so full of joy that it won’t really matter anymore.

Be blessed,

Kathryn Lang signature

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