How Hope Helps to Keep It Together

Keep it together. That was the guidance Finnick offered Katniss when they were both trying to recover from their second bout in the Hunger Games (if you’ve never read the books, it’s well worth the investment).

“It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.” (from Mockingjay)

#QuoteoftheDay

It’s true. And it’s more powerful because when you consider how long it took you to fall apart, the little bits that had to keep piling up until the last straw fell, then you begin to understand the enormity of what it will take to put it all back together again.

Not only will it take ten times longer, but it will be ten times harder, and the truth of the matter is that you will never find all of the pieces needed to make the picture the same.

The picture will never be the same.

But when you are backed into the corner, covered in straw, with no visible way out, it’s even harder not to let yourself fall apart.

Something Is About To Break

There was a popular song from 2006 by Mat Kearney titled “Nothing Left to Lose.” I’ve listened to that song when I needed a boost, and encouragement, and the hope to hold on. Today, when I hear the words, I think about how what is about to break is me – my resolve, my heart, and scariest of all, my hope.

But I know that if my hope breaks, it will be ten times harder to put it back together again.

I’ve been there.

When I suffered my first miscarriage, everything broke in me. I was alone. I was isolated. And the tears came so easily that I had to stay along and isolated so they wouldn’t dampen the hearts of those around me.

I always wanted a baseball team – kids everywhere, all the time – mine, the neighbors, the youth group. I wanted to be that house.

When I faced the silent ultrasound, it was the first time I realized that what I had envisioned wasn’t going to happen.

I don’t think I realized that truth until now. As I dig in deep to what I’m feeling, why I’m here, and what is next, I’m uncovering some of those pieces that were lost so long ago that I’ve thrown out the puzzle.

I broke back then. It was a deep, gut-wrenching break. And obviously, I’m still not all together again.

So today, I know that I’m on the verge of a break, but I recognize that once broken things will never be the same again.

What can you do when you feel like you’ve done all you can do and still, something is about to break?

From the Outside In

“I had no idea you felt that way.” I was sharing a tough time with someone where worry haunted me. I’m not a worrier by nature, mainly because I don’t acknowledge worry when it shows up. I leave it to stalk around outside instead of giving it a seat at the table.

That doesn’t mean worry never shows up.

I’m the same way about breakdowns. If I’m going to fall apart, even just a little bit, it’s going to be when I’m alone in the shower. That way the tears and sobs are hidden by the sounds and the water.

But I feel the pain, and even in those moments of release, I don’t invite pain to pull up a chair. I’ve always been determined to hold so tight to faith and hope that pain, problems, and the negatives are forced to remain in check.

From the outside, I look like it doesn’t matter at all. Inside, that war rages, and fear and dread are constantly attempting to storm the castle and crumble my hope.

I feel it almost as deep as I did so many years ago. Maybe even deeper, because I know that I’ve let so many people down with each losing battle.

Taking Today Off

I don’t want to go.

My husband volunteered for me to attend something and normally I’d be all about it. I love people. I’m on the extraverted side of extrovertism.

But not today.

Today, I don’t want to go.

For the last several days, I’ve done all I can where I am with what I have. And at the end of it all, I still came up short.

And yes, STEVE, if you are reading this, I do realize I AM short.

When I don’t think about the fact that what I needed hasn’t aligned, I’m okay. After all, if you leave your problem on the other side of the door, do you really have a problem?

But the problem is that even with the problem on the other side of the door, I still know that it’s there so its weight pulls me down just when I think I have what it takes to get up and going.

So, today, I don’t want to go.

To Hurt to Try

Normally, I’d turn up the praise music and do a little dance. I’d tell a joke or share a pun just to make my son roll his eyes (did you know that the rolling of a teenager’s eyes is actually audible?).

But not today.

Today, I hurt.

I hurt because the people that said they cared are too busy supporting that other person to notice that I’m hurt.

I hurt because all of my efforts have left me with a pile of rejections and a depleted set of resources.

I hurt because I dared to believe and apparently, in my belief, I got the wrong set of directions about where I was supposed to go. Instead of being fed by the bend in the river, I’m stuck in a pile of bird poop and feathers.

Mostly, I hurt because I know I’m disappointing all of the people around me (including me).

So, today, I don’t want to go.

Finding the Positive in all the Negatives

I’m the rainbows and lollipops gal – always finding the silver lining. I’m the natural born encourager – always finding a way to spread hope and ignite courage.

I ALWAYS find a ray of sun. ALWAYS.

But not today.

Today, I want to crawl into a hot bath, open a book, and lose myself in the words of someone else. I’m tired of finding rainbows others deny.

Today, I want to turn on a favorite comedy show and watch until I cry with laughter, or just cry while it’s on. I’m tired of sharing courage with others when fear jumps up and down on my chest each night.

So, today, I don’t want to go.

I’ll be honest with you because most people will never see this so I can be honest with you, I’m already tearing up because despite how I feel and despite what I want, I’ll probably give into my family and go with them because it’s what they want – and natural born encouragers are always looking for ways to boost the encouragement of those around them.

But, today, I don’t want to go.

When you are too tired, or too hurt, or just too . . . too, it is okay to say, “not today.”

But Jesus.

See, this is where the battle is won. Not by me, or my amazing abilities to hope. Not by whitewashing the pain of the past. The battle is won by the One that promised He would fight the battle.

Not only did He promise to fight the battle, but He promised that the battle is WON!

Building A Fortress of Hope

Finnick knew the real truth. We can’t do it alone. Even though the very games he survived required him to be alone, he had learned from his falling apart that you need others to keep it together.

Hope that holds on begins with people that lift us up.

Who are the people you are spending time with? The attitudes and focuses around you are almost as important as the ones in your heart and mind – mainly because they fuel your heart and mind.

A fortress of hope is built one block at a time.

Everything thing I choose adds to my fortress or puts a kink in my armor. EVERY SINGLE THING. If I want to have hope that will withstand the bombardments of the world, then I need to be consistently invested in words, sounds, and people that feed hope.

Hope that holds it together is grown from a seed.

The little bits and the little things grow the hope we need to pick up, dust off, and get going again. A smile shared at the supermarket or a note sent in the snail mail or a review of a book shared over social media are all little seeds of hope that can make all the difference.

It takes a fortress to withstand the attack. A fortress of hope allows you to be bombarded with the negatives and overwhelmed by the storms, without breaking . . . and sometimes without cracking. You are stronger and bolder because your strength is rooted in hope.

Using Hope to Keep It Together

I take Finnick’s word to heart, because I have fallen apart and had to put myself back together and because I have seen others fall apart and not find the strength to get it together again. And I know which side of the falling apart I prefer to be.

My circumstances are tough. The storm is raging. Things are not where I want them to be and I don’t have the answer for how to make them different.

So, I hold on to what I do have. Hope. It may not fix it. It may not make it easier. But it will keep me from falling apart.

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Have you ever been in a place where you completely fell apart?

Please share your ideas and thoughts on how hope helps you hold it together, and if you would like to read more about how I’m finding my way to fortify hope, ask me for today’s post link!

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