The Shocking Truth About My Husband

My husband has always made me wonder – just a little, in the back of my mind. Something just wasn’t quite right. For fourteen years I have suspected, but now I know the truth. My husband is a thief. Last night (actually early this morning), I caught him.

The really sly thing (and probably one of the reasons I haven’t been able to catch him red-handed) is that he doesn’t take it all at one. It’s just a little here and a little there so that no one notices. The few times I have mentioned it in the past, he’s always changed the subject and usually suggested it was something I did myself.

This morning, it happened again. I put everything right and dosed back to sleep. It wasn’t too long until everything was out of balance once again. I am a light sleeper and I notice these things. My husband is like a parrot – so long as it is dark (or you cover his head) he can sleep. But the truth can no longer be denied.

My husband is a sheet-stealer and his victim is MY covers.

Fourteen years he has had me convinced that I was “kicking” the covers off in his direction. It’s not like I haven’t kicked things off the bed before. I regularly kick his cat across the room at night – she has a fetish for my feet.

I’ve got him now, though. Not that I think he will actually admit to being a sheet-stealer. He’d sooner admit that I actually was right most of the time (and we all know that AIN’T about to happen). No, he’ll try to turn the table and make me out to be the bad guy. But I know the truth; of course the truth won’t keep me warm on a cold winter’s night.

Instead of confronting him, I think I will just plan for the inevitable. I can store an extra blanket next to my side of the bed or maybe even make the bed with two separate top covers. On the rare occasion that he makes the bed up, I can then calmly explain that it was the only way I knew how to curb his night time desires. Even if is doesn’t buy it, I’ll finally be warm through the night.

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