Changing the Man in Your Life - Kathryn C. Lang

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Changing the Man in Your Life

There are days when I want to choke my husband. There are days when I know he feels the same way about me. Yesterday was one of those days – on my part and on his. We were just having a hard time coming to a place of agreement.

He was complaining about a situation and I “suggested” that if he didn’t like the way things were going then he should take up the banner and run it himself. This is about the conversation that followed by kind and informative comment:

“I don’t want to run it myself – I’ve already gotten enough training that I’m not using why should I get more and spend more?”

“Then be thankful that someone else is doing it even if they aren’t doing it YOUR way.”

“I think it’s a good thing that they are doing it and I hope that they are really doing it for the right reasons,” pained sigh and short grunt.

“All I want you to do is try to find the positive in the situation.”

“What if there isn’t a positive.”

“There is always a positive.”

“But what if I don’t see a positive?”

“But there is always a positive.”

“Do you really think that you can make me see the positive?”

“I fully believe that if I say it often enough eventually it will sink into your head.” No sarcasm at all in this statement.

“But didn’t we both agree that the Holy Spirit is the only one that can truly change a man?”

“Yes honey, you are right.”

I know that I can’t change the man that God has put into my life – no matter how simple the idea I have might be or how ridiculous his argument. He was right that the Holy Spirit is the only one that can make the change.

How to Encourage the Man in Your Life

Several years ago I stumbled across the book “How to Encourage the Man in Your Life” by H. Norman Wright. It was all about what I can do to better me so that I can better my relationship with the men in my life – not just my husband, but my children, my father and my brothers.

The book had such an impact in my life that I have continued to buy copies and share with every woman I know that has a man in her life (and that desires to improve that relationship because YOU have to be ready to change). He is blunt. He is sometimes a bit rude. And his ideas often leave you wondering “but what about HIM?”

In the end it is all about accepting the fact that you can’t change him no matter how annoying or ridiculous. But that by choosing to walk a better path you alone can make things better – at least in your own life – but most likely in the relationship as a whole.

I still haven’t uncovered “How to Encourage the Woman in Your Life,” but when I do I will buy it up and stuff a few stockings with the book. 😉

Even when you are just trying to make things better, it is impossible to make him change. Do yourself a favor and find new ways to encourage the man in your life instead of trying to change him. It will most likely lead him to change but it will definitely make your life easier and more joy filled.

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5 Responses to Changing the Man in Your Life

  1. OLINeBooks December 4, 2008 at 3:30 PM #

    Just a quick note to inform you that this article has been included in this month’s blog carnival of ‘Christian Family Information Exchange’. Thank you and please continue submitting your articles each month.

  2. Minister Mamie L. Pack December 7, 2008 at 2:43 PM #

    Oh, I can relate. So often that I have done things to try to get my husband to respond in manners that I thought he should. Along the way, I have learned as well that encouragement, love, and prayer go a long way. I learned that it isn’t about being the man I think he should be but about encouraging him to be the man God created him to be.

    Thank you for sharing.

    with blessings,

    Minister Mamie

  3. Kathryn December 7, 2008 at 5:19 PM #

    Minister Mamie – thanks for stopping by and for one more reminder that it’s not about me especially when it comes to him. It seems that no matter how many times I say it and no matter how many times I write and no matter how many times I hear it I still struggle with the idea that it’s NOT about the man I think my hubby should be but (like you said) it is all about the man GOD wants him to be.

  4. Patty August 13, 2012 at 1:56 PM #

    Good insight.
    Changing a man, just does not work.
    If he decide to change, it has to be his own decision. I believe God had given us (men and women) the potential to change ourselves. Regarding to men, they’ll be irritated for the idea of someone else trying to change them. If we are going to try to change them, we need to start thinking that our main impact it’s praying for him and give him freedom. 🙂
    I just made a post about this topic. Loved your site!

    http://ilovemyhusband.org/relationships-family/notes-about-changing-a-man

    -Patty
    http://www.ilovemyhusban.org

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Proverbs 31 Living » Blog Archive » How to Change a Community and a Church - February 23, 2009

    […] It would be great if it were possible to wave a magic wand and make the men in the church step up, but there isn’t one. I spent seven years praying daily over the men in my life so if there was a wand I would have uncovered it. The change hasn’t come about because of my prayers directly, but each prayer has a ripple effect that shifts the waters and makes change inevitable. […]

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