Letting Go Can Be Hard To Do
Letting go can be hard. Your hand locks up (or your heart) and causes a tightness that makes it hard to release your grip.
Letting go can be scary. You second guess your choice – usually because someone else second guesses it for you.
But letting go frees you into doing things that are impossible any other way.
#QuoteoftheDay
We are butterfly people
living in a caterpillar world.
If we aren’t careful,
we will let the world
talk us out of our wings.
– Kathryn Lang
You have to choose to let go – and you are the ONLY one who can make that choice for you. A forced release can do more harm than good.
Learning to Release
My mom loved her stuff and could tell you in detail where she got everything – from who she was with if she bought it to the occasion it was gifted to her if it came from someone else. She also loved giving stuff, and I tried to follow the pattern of cherishing what was gifted to me.
I still have a “shell family” my son made for me one Christmas (we were big on handmade gifts when the boys were younger).
When my mom died, I quickly realized that my brothers didn’t have the same affinity for stuff that she had. We went through (and mostly kept) almost all she had. When you live in a little cabin in the woods with three hearty boys, dainty antique furniture doesn’t quite fit in. But we made it work.
When my father-in-law died, I realized that our 1700 sq ft home couldn’t hold another household of stuff. We were already bursting at the seams. Fortunately, our older sons were moving into their first apartment and they took some of the items they needed.
Still, we had a LOT of stuff.
Every few months, I would go through and release some of the stuff, but I’m pretty certain that unwatched stuff multiplies on its own. There was always so much stuff.
In 2020, the tornado destroyed a lot of the stuff. The youth from our church came over to help us clean out the house and they threw out anything that had been ruined. Had I had a moment to think, I’d have probably held on to some of the stuff even if it was ruined. After all, it was stuff my mom found important enough to keep so I should as well.
But those folks didn’t give me a moment. They came in, cleared out, threw out, and then were gone.
What I Learned from Releasing
Looking back, I realize that one of the biggest reasons we don’t let go is we think too much. It might not bring us joy, or it may be ripped, broken, or warped, but WHAT IF?
WHAT IF our circumstances change and we need it later?
WHAT IF the giver comes over and notices that it’s gone?
WHAT IF it is actually one of the most valuable items of stuff on the planet and I just tossed it in the trash?
WHAT IF.
The DAY my mom died, I emptied her closet. None of the ladies in the family could (or would) wear her clothes, so I wanted to get that task completed.
As we waited for the ambulance to carry Mom away, I put all of her clothes in bags to go to charity. We even loaded them into our car so I could drop them off on the first weekday.
I didn’t think about it. I just did it.
And that’s what I’ve learned about letting go. Thinking about it will lead to more issues than letting go ever would.
A God of Giving
God promised Abraham a son and told Abraham that very son would be the start of a great nation. After the son was born (and probably around 14), God told Abram to go and sacrifice the son.
You know what Abraham did? He packed up the stuff for the sacrifice and headed out.
He didn’t think about it. He definitely did NOT talk to Sarah (his wife) about it.
I believe that Abraham believed God’s promise so much that he knew God would make a way even if he didn’t understand what that way was or how it would all work out. When they arrive at the place dedicated for the sacrifice, Abraham tells his servants that he and Isaac will go and worship and then they will both come back.
He spoke the faith of return because he had witnessed God do so many things in and around his life that he didn’t doubt for a moment the Truth and the power of that giving God.
If Abraham so believed God about his son that he was obedient even to the point of sacrifice, then why do I get tangled in the WHAT IF instead of just letting go?
You ARE Designed to Fly
We are butterfly people living in a caterpillar world. If we aren’t careful, we will let the world talk us out of our wings. Find people that talk butterfly and you won’t get word trapped by the caterpillars.
I was blessed to have a chance to share a little about our letting go journey when I was the guest for Cathy Weaver on Cathy Chat. It’s been through this experience – one little bit, one letting go moment, one step at a time – that we have grown the ABUNDANT LIFE PROGRAM workbook (and soon to be course). It’s been through this journey that I’ve honed my skills of FOCUSED FLEXIBILITY. We are learning that letting go frees us up to be all that we are YOUniquely designed to be.
But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t steal my breath when I step out on the edge.
Daring Part of Letting Go
All of the shows about letting go – from TLC’s Clean Sweep (“Just because your mother gave it to you doesn’t mean you have to keep it.” – Peter Walsh) to Tidying Up (“We can’t let go because of an attachment to the past or a fear for the future.” – Marie Kondo), people around the globe have been encouraged to let it go.
Those of us watching from home have shouted at the screen (or at least muttered with annoyance), “Why do you even have that?” It’s easy for us to see from our place of complete detachment.
But if we looked in our closets, under our beds, or in our garages, we would see some of the same things that make us crazy when we watch others.
Feelings make letting go harder.
After the first rush of letting go caused by the tornado and a hoard of helpful youth, I continued in baby steps of letting go.
I let go of the 4 billion vases my mom (and I) had collected over the years.
I let go of the plates we bought for use at one rental when we were able to access our own plates in the next rental.
I let go of clothes that I hadn’t worn in decades.
But then things started getting real as I let go of things closer to my heart: the ring my mom gave me on my 21st birthday that she told me she had gotten on her 21st birthday; the cuff links that were in my fourth jewelry box that came from my mom’s (and I thought I had already sorted); the nugget ring (you remember those, right?) that my husband’s parents had made from their melted down jewelry. Each of these had deep-rooted sentiments.
Forget that we either didn’t know or didn’t use any of it. The roots ran deep. I let them go and woke up the next morning sick for the effort (although each day makes it a little bit easier).
Digging Up the Roots
Years ago, when I was building my two-acre flower garden, I was gifted a plant I had been assured was slow-growing and preferred full shade. Since I didn’t have full shade, I planted it in a part of the garden that got the most shade.
The #1 rule of my flower garden was you either bloomed where you were planted or you went back to the earth.
Well, this plant ignored everything that was said about it and flourished in its new home – so much so that it took over and spread EVERYWHERE – in the other beds, in the grass, and I even think I saw it making a space on the porch.
We poisoned it. We burned it. And it JUST KEPT SPREADING. Finally, I had to dig up every sprout we spotted – and we had to dig all the way down to the bottom of the tap root or it would just laugh at our efforts.
Our stuff has the same tenacity as that gifted plant – and much of our stuff is with us because of what others have said about it at some point in our journey. There is a reason the roots run so deep, and until you uncover that reason, you will struggle with getting rid of it.
Do YOU love it?
You need to honor, cherish, and enjoy your things right now and in this season for them to have value for your life. Everything else is occupying the space that your real joy should be filling.
Why do you have it?
Recognize if the stuff was something you bought for a time (like the plates we purchased for use in the rental), or something that was gifted to you for a moment (like the baby cradle we used with the three boys), or is something that stays close through all the seasons (like the wedding bands my husband and I wear). Know the reason behind the holding on and you will be able to find the roots you need to dig up to be able to let it go.
Would it fit better in a different home?
Sometimes, your season with the stuff has passed. The board games we’ve collected over the years for family game night and the Lincoln Logs that have been in the container since the boys were in grade school would have better lives if they were living in new homes. Games and toys need to be played with (if you don’t know, just watch Toy Story). What else has passed its purpose prime around your space?
You have a unique life to live, and holding on to all the stuff piled on you over the years will only hinder your journey.
Dare to let it go and be free to fly.
What do you recognize around you right now that is holding you back from flying into your possibilities?
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