Musing from the Dark

I got up in a dark place, and not just because the sun had not yet made it over the mountain. My heart was heavy and it made it difficult for me to focus. I curled up around my coffee mug and started my very own pity party. It did not help.

I wanted to rant – to complain about where I was in my journey and where I thought I should be. I want everyone to tell me how amazing I was and then I wanted them to fix it for me. I clicked around the social media options more times than I should admit. It did not help.

“Oh woe is me. I am as bad off as David – hiding in the caves and running for his life.” I compared my poor self to that of David. It did not help.

That comparison did give me an idea. I picked up the bible and read my Psalms for the day. It “just so happened” to include Psalm 37:

“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and HE shall give you the desires of your heart.”

That did help.

And Psalm 36:

“Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, and YOU give them drink from the river of Your pleasures. For with You is the fountain of life; in Your light we see light.”

That did help.

I remembered the story I posted on Thursday – it came from a talk I gave back in 2009 when I first started speaking. I listened again to the story of PUSH. That did help.

I remembered – it is not what I can do because I am incapable of doing anything in the flesh that is worth the effort. It is not about what I can accomplish because what I do in this world, through this world will burn away. It IS all about what God is doing and how I line up to join Him in His Purpose.

The heaviness still sits on my shoulders, but I know that I do not have to rely on my own strength to carry it – and that does help.