“She always gets the last word in because she says that after her last word the next word is the first word in a new fight.”
The pastor joked about his wife – most likely because she had not made it to class yet. The comment got a few laughs, but the others in the room followed up with their own need to get the last word in.
“You have to prove you are right.”
“I have to get the last word just to get the last word – right or wrong makes no difference.”
“It is all about winning.”
We are weird like that. Something has twisted up in our minds and we believe that by getting in the last zinger or making the final comment, we somehow win. Most of the time, those words spoken out of emotions or frustration end the relationship or hurt it to the point it takes rehabilitation to repair.
The crushing of relationships means that everyone loses.
I think back to a different class and the teacher shared about a similar subject. I made the statement that nobody ever wins and argument. He then proceeded to argue with me about my statement – which I found humorous and thought proved the point.[tweetthis]Nobody WINS an #argument – arguments break, crush, and #divide and there is not winning there.[/tweetthis]
I might get you to agree with me about my point – but I will never win an argument.
Closing the Rift of Arguments
- Recognize the power of agreement. I can admit you are right about something without causing the end of the world as we know it. My husband and I were in the midst of an argument the other day when it stirred up in my spirit just how silly the whole scene was playing out. “You are right.” I told him with all sincerity. I mean, I was right as well, but that did not take away from his right. We had different views on a particular situation. I made the choice to accept that his viewpoint for his actions was right for him. And I survived. Believe me – if I survived then we are all capable of making this choice.
- Remember that change only comes from the heart and only the Holy Spirit can speak to the heart. It is not my job to fix you . . . in truth I can only fix myself WITH the help of God. How I choose to respond during a discussion/argument/confrontation will determine if I am a conduit to the touch of the Holy Spirit or a hindrance.
- Respond in Love. Take a long enough break to breathe, to relax, and to allow the emotions to settle to the bottom. Love will always have the right answer and sometimes that answer is silence.
If you knew that the last word would be the last word then would it still be so important? Recognize the power of agreement, remember where change resides, and then make the choice to respond in love. The word you leave with could be the most important word you ever use.
On Discipling Women: Damage Control - we are talking about the power that resides in names. Just like we need to be aware of the words we use - we should be aware of the names that we put on each other.