How to Get Beyond Comparisons
“Get beyond the comparisons.” That was the ultimate takeaway of our group conversation.
But I had not sooner clicked off that meeting than I was comparing myself to another.
And I lost – badly.
#QuoteoftheDay
We struggle
with comparisons
because we choose
to see their success
and hold it up to our difficulties.
– Kathryn Lang
Not only did I lose to her, but in the process, I managed to determine that my efforts were ineffective, my message a pure mess, and my writing worthless.
And that’s only to start. It seems that once you get going down that comparison road, it’s easy to pile on. So I did.
I built up a funk and continued to pile on it until I couldn’t see the top for all the clouds.
It was not pretty.
And it happened in the blink of an eye.
I can still feel the remnants of it crushing on my heart. When I close my eyes, I see the images that provoked the downward spiral. Despite investing in prayer and Scripture and positive affirmations, I’m still struggling from moment to moment.
And it all started with a comparison I had just agreed I didn’t need to be doing.
The Problem With Comparisons
If you don’t remember the tornado outbreak of 2011, look it up. It was insanely devastating. The following June, I was scheduled to attend a writing conference in Tuscaloosa, which had taken a hard toll on April 27th, 2011.
I didn’t want to see it. My heart hurt from the property loss we had suffered. Seeing all the damage amplified that pain. I planned the drive so we would arrive at night and miss being able to see most of the destruction.
Unfortunately, the conference didn’t get my avoidance guide. The church where the conference was hosted had opened its doors to Samaritan’s Purse. I couldn’t get away from the reminders no matter how hard I tried.
One of the volunteers stopped me one day and asked me how I was doing. I wanted to be honest, but what my family had gone through didn’t remotely compare to what other families had suffered. That’s what I ended up telling her. “I hurt, but it’s nothing compared to others.”
“Never compare your pain to others. Your journey is different and your pain matters just as much to the Father as anyone else because you matter.”
YOU MATTER.
Comparisons say that one person is more important than the other, or one experience is a better path to take, or one anything rises above everything other thing. That’s the problem with comparisons, they don’t take into account all the ingredients.
Struggling with Comparisons
I matter.
You matter.
We matter.
And yet, even sitting here sharing the truth of the matter, the comparisons are trying to suck me back in.
- Maybe it’s because I’m not happy with where I am.
- Maybe it’s because I’m not sure where I’m supposed to be.
- Maybe it’s because the people around me don’t care.
- Maybe it’s because the people I thought cared proved they didn’t.
- Maybe it’s because I expected more . . . even just a little bit.
Ultimately, I’m struggling with the comparisons because I am choosing to see their success and hold it up to my difficulties.
If I’m not happy where I am then it is up to me to make a new plan AND to take intentional actions to get there. Sitting here pointing to your journey is NOT intentional actions.
If I’m not sure where I’m supposed to be then I need to make the investment to unlock that truth. If I’m simply doubting my journey, then I need to go back to where I was so certain that nothing and nobody could talk me out of it.
If I’m relying on the people around me to get me there, then I’m setting myself up for the fall. People will never be the answer. NEVER.
If I am hurt because of what THEY did, see above.
If I’m expecting more then it’s up to me to build to that more – to take one little step, invest one little bit, do one little thing.
Getting Beyond Comparisons
It takes recognizing comparisons for what they are to build up the momentum to get beyond the comparisons.
Comparisons are an excuse.
They give you permission to stop being intentional and to simply coast along or to completely surrender.
Comparisons are a crutch.
They allow you to point fingers at others instead of taking actions in purpose. They allow you to accept the delusion that you don’t really have control.
Comparisons are an anchor.
They weigh you down under the water. They lock you in place. They limit your ability to take flight.
Recognizing the truth of comparisons breaks you free from the comparisons, but then you have to make choices that will move you away from them or they will suck you back in.
Moving Free of Comparisons
When you get caught in a cycle of comparisons, you have to move from the moment and from where you are to a place safe from reoccurrence.
First, do something. Do anything that will address the point of comparison. It doesn’t have to be something big, but it does have to be intentional ACTION. Planning is not an intentional action, it’s a means to intentional action. Getting free of comparisons requires actual movement.
Second, step away. Physically remove yourself from the point of comparison. If you encountered the comparison on social media (and let’s be honest, that’s where way too much of our comparison syndrome strikes) then get off social media. If it was from people, hang out with someone else. If it was in your home, go to the coffee shop on the corner. Just get away from it.
Third, find a cheerleader. Connect with someone who has intentionally invested in you, your efforts, and/or your unique design and invested with gusto. These superfans are the fastest way to get out of the funk of comparisons.
Born to Be You
The ultimate reason you need to break free of the comparisons is because you are uniquely you. There is no other.
That means the path you are meant to walk is the one less taken – or not taken at all since you are the only one that can walk it out.
When you know you – and know it so completely that you breathe it – then you understand that no matter what THEY are doing or THEY are not doing or THEY should have been doing . . . you determine your path, your steps, and ultimately just how high you will fly.
You were born to be you. The more you know you and the stronger your hold on your truth, the tougher it is for the comparisons to hold on.
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Have you ever allowed comparisons to put the brakes on your purpose?
OR – If you prefer to self-guide through the process of knowing YOU, check out Define Your Way.
